


Someone Like You

by howellpml



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Best Friends, Coming Out, Crying, DAN AND PHIL - Freeform, Eating Disorders, Ex-bestfriends, Fluff, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Phan - Freeform, i promise this is cute and not as angsty as it sounds, rape mention
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-18
Updated: 2020-01-08
Packaged: 2021-02-12 21:22:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21483052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/howellpml/pseuds/howellpml
Summary: At first Dan didn't see much of a problem with having his friend with benefits have the same name as his ex best friend, but that quickly changes when Dan realises he's texted the wrong contact.
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Kudos: 25





	1. I

Dan: i need to get laid so bad  
Dan: fuck  
Dan: shit shit shit  
Dan: phil dont open this  
Dan: fuck  
Dan: please dont open this

Dan cursed his fat fingers for clicking on "Phil Lester" instead of "phil <3", he cursed himself for thinking having his friend with benifits as someone with the same name as his ex best friend was a good idea.

Phil: Dan...What the fuck?

Dan stares down at the phone in his hand "jesus christ what is wrong with me" he sighs to himself.

Phil: Dan text me your address im coming to pick you up, youre 18 im not letting you do something stupid

Dan puts his head in his hands, sighing before typing his address back to Phil. "its probably for the best anyway" he thinks to himself, 11pm isnt exactly a great time to go to someones who fucked you once befores house anyway. 

Phil: Ill be there in 30

Dan uses this time to get himself dresses and brush his hair, and to mentally prepare himself for the awkward conversation hes about to have with phil, its been two years since they talked last, well since they had, what Dan likes to call, The Arguement.

Phil: Im outside

With a deep, yet shaky, breath, Dan opens his front door and trudges out into the rainy night, quickly spotting the much familiar car on the road outside his house, seeing the blurry sihouette of the boy he used to know well. he opens the door and his breath is immediately taken away, you see, two years ago Dan had a massive crush on phil, he was his best friend and loved him more then anything, but dan was 16 and phil was 20, and so when phil found out, he left. Feelings flooded back to dan, flooding so much that dan felt like he couldnt breathe, like he was drowning in the blue eyes of the man in front of him. "Dan? Dan are you okay?" Phil says, his voice laced in concern, snapping Dan from his trance, and he hops in the car without a word.

Dan notices some things about Phil instantly, his arm had tattoos on it, he also seemed to be more muscular, more filled out, like he'd finally grown into his body; his jet black hair was now a quiff, not a fringe, which in dans opinion is now hot as hell. He looks tired, like he was just trying to sleep as Dan had text him by accident, that would also explain why he was wearing his glasses and not his contacts, but he couldn't be certain, phil could've started wearing his glasses full time in the two years its been.

"jesus christ dan youre tiny, are you eating enough?" Phil says, his voice filled with care, and yet he takes dan by surprise with the question, Dan, not really knowing how to respond, because he knows he hasnt, simply responds with a hum, earning a sigh from Phil "Take out when we get to mine then."  
Pulling into Phils apartment, the one Dan knows all too well, brought back memories for Dan, memories of the pair laughing together, nights of take out and video games, and countless years of Dan gazing at Phil with so much love, he honestly didnt understand how phil never noticed his unwavering love. Wlking into the apartment was worse, the familiar smell felt like a slap in the face, the same tv and the same couch as the one they wound cuddle on and watch movies on till questionable times.  
Dan didnt even realise he was crying until Phil asked if he was okay, crouched down to Dans level in front of him. A sob escapes Dans mouth as he jumps forward into Phils chest, holding him tightly, scared to lose him again, sobs wrecking his voice as he apologises over and over, Phil petting his hair gently, but holding onto the smaller boy just as tight as he is to him, Dans familiar, warm scent comforting him. "its okay Dan, its okay, im here now, im not leaving again" Phil whispers into Dans hair to comfort the crying boy, the cries and sobs slowly turning into small sniffles and whimpers, tiring himself out from crying until he falls asleep in the other mans arms.

Phil picks Dan up, walking to the sofa and laying him down, whispering softly, as if not to scare the sleepy boy off "I'll order pizza okay? I remember what you like, I'll help you eat if you need it okay? Try to get a little bit of sleep." Phil spoke as if Dan was a fragile doll, like he could just shatter and be gone forever at any moment, his soft features, his curly hair and ivory skin, the gentle curves of his face count turn to sharp, jagged edges at any moment and phil wouldnt be able to handle breaking this boy again, he doesnt even know if he can handle what he'd done before after what hed just witnessed, and it was obvious Dan wasnt eating, but he didnt know why yet, so he couldnt put that down to him, its been two years after all.

After ordering pizza, Phil finds himself sat on the sofa with Dan, who seemed half asleep. "Dan?"

"hm?" Dan hums sleepily

"do you... do you want to cuddle?"

Dans head perks up a bit before sitting up and sliding over, closer to Phil, who wraps his arms around the sleepy boy cautiously "is this.. okay? is this okay?" Phil whispers, earning a small nod in response. The two boys sat in silence, holding eachother, but they found it comfortble, after two years of silence, you'd think they'd hate it, but somehow it comforted them, made them feel at home.

Dan jumps awake, the same familiar door bell being overwhelmingly loud and then the same familiar voice "Sit up bear, I need to get the pizza" he nods and complies, sitting up to let the older man answer the door. He rubs his eyes sleepily, having only had time to nod off before being rudely awakened by the shrill screech of the doorbell. The smell of pizza, his favourite pizza, fills the room, temporarily replacing replacing the smell he knew well with another he knew almost as well. Dan decides that maybe a pizza awakening probably isnt the worst he couldve gotten, in fact he was pretty pleased with it. Phil takes a seat next to him, a small chuckle escaping his lips "Do you want me to feed you bear? or are you fully awake now?" Phil says, picking up a slice of pizza their half and half pizza and poking it at Dan's lips "P-Phil! god i can feed myself, im not a child" Dan squeaks defensively, snatching the slice of pizza out of Phil's hands and nibbling on it slowly.

Phil reaches over and switches on the tv, "What do you wanna watch Bear? or when you finish your pizza we can play Mario Kart? i know you love Mario Kart." Dan smiles and nods, surpirsed at how Phil remembered his favourite videogame "you remembered?" Dan whispered in mild disbelief, but also in joy, earning a small nod from Phil. Dan flung his arms around Phil, nuzzling his head into Phil's neck "thank you" he muffles. Dan stayed hugging Phil for what seems like hours, just remembering how Phil's arms felt around him, as if he was scared to lose him again, and truth be told, Dan didnt even know if he had him again, after all, they'd onlt been talking again for a few hours, but Dan never wanted this to end, he never wanted to go back to not talking to him, Dan believes this past two years were the worst of his life, for more reasons then one, but losing Phil was horrible, he loved Phil and one stupid confession and it was all gone, he had slipped from his grasp, after years of holding on as tight as he could, but Dan found out that Phil was like glass and the tighter you hold on, the more likely it is to smash and cut you, and be gone forever.


	2. II

"Do you want to stay? I can take you back to your's if you- fucking hell Dan just let me win!"  
Lap 3.  
1st: AmazingPhil  
2nd: DanHowell  
Blue shell.  
This meant war.  
Dan swerved through as many mystery boxes as possible, trying to get that much sought after blue shell so he can take out Phil in first and win...but Dan didn't like his chances. Phil was a master as Mario Kart, or so it seemed, Dan used to be way better then Phil, but he was two years out of practice after all. 

Dan believed that this Mario Kart tourniment was a distraction from what they should be talking about: the texts, the two years, The Arguement.

Dan didnt want to talk about those things however, he just wanted to forget that those things ever happened, but dispite his attempts to forget the past (or three hours ago) he couldnt, infact the complete opposite was happening, the texts, the two years and especially the arguement were at the front of his mind, which was definately proving to not be the best tactic for Mario Kart. Dan had fallen into third, which was followed by a smug chuckle from Phil that Dan barely heard, but he did. That was another change, Phil seemed quieter then the bright, loud man he was two years ago, he didn't seem sad, he just seemed to be...thinking? Dan chose to not register it as something important, after all, he had been thinking a lot too.

The texts.  
The two years.  
The arguement.

Fourth place. "Fuck Phil when did you go to Mario Kart training school? Youre way better then you were two years ago" He quickly realised he shouldnt have said that, he shouldn't have brought up the two years. Game Paused. Fuck. Dan could hear his heartbeat in his ears, fast. Fast and loud. Too loud. Dan gulped down the lump in his throat as Phil put his controler down and turned to face Dan. "I.. had a lot of spare time" Phil muttered with a weak smile, it wobbled a bit, was he going to cry? Dan leaned forwards and hugged Phil gently, a sniffle, and then a sob cried into Dan neck, small apologies came from the older man. Dans heart broke, "It's okay Phil, It's okay I forgive you, you were scared, I was a kid" Dan couldnt be angry at him, after all, how could be blame Phil, at 20 the last thing you need is a 16 year old falling in love with you, he scared Phil off, he expected it, but that didn't make it hurt any less, it didn't make the regection any less heartbreaking, it didn't make the loss of his best friend any easier to cope with.

Phils cries turned to sobs, his sobs back to cries, his cries to quiet whispered apologies. "Dan I promise I never meant to leave you that long, I swear." Dan had never seen him like this before, cry and breakdown infront of him, because of him. He couldnt bare the sight, so he closed his eyes and held him closer in hopes of soothing the pain that he knew he couldnt soothe. 

Phil had calmed down, he took Dans hand in his and apologised once more, but that was met with a shush from Dan, "It's okay Phil, really, honestly, it is, it's okay now." this calmed Phil more, a small, more genuine smile graced his face, he was happy, thank God Phil was happy, he never wanted to see Phil upset like that ever again, it hurt, it hurt so badly to see him in distress, he wanted Phil to be happy. "I was so scared, Dan, I didnt want to hurt you, I didnt want us to get in trouble, please you have to understand" Phil almost pleaded, Dan nodded, understanding "I understand Phil, its okay, I promise"

"Thank you, Bear, I promise I'll make it up to you, I promise I'll make it better."

I promise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, sorry this chapter is shorter then the first, I promise after this they will be longer, like I said on my twitter (@djh_dnpgay), I've not been in the best place mentally, this shouldn't be a regular occurrence and I will try my best to keep getting these out once maybe twice a week, but I recommend following my twitter if you want to know exactly what's going on with me and the writing of Someone Like You, anyway, I hope you're all enjoying it so far, I promise it gets happier later on.
> 
> -howellpml


	3. III

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for this one!! This chapter contains internalised homophobia and eating disorders!! Please don't read if you are triggered by either of these things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for this one!! This chapter contains internalised homophobia and eating disorders!! Please don't read if you are triggered by either of these things. I apologise for this one being so short, and that it took so long to come out, honestly the upload schedule for this fic is pretty much none existent, I hope you guys done mind, thank you for reading though!!

Dan cried once Phil had fallen asleep, they had both decided to sleep in Phil's bed, like they had many times in the past. Dan was overwhelmed, everything that had happened that night was too much for him, why was Phil being so nice to him? Hes disgusting. Hes_ gay_. Hes gay for Phil. Why would Phil want him anywhere near him?

Dan got up, he was going to sleep on the couch, the longer he spent that close to phil the more these bad feelings grew in him, it was a virus, a disease, and it made him feel sick. He tiptoes down the hallway of Phil's apartment, it was nice, it was the same as it had been two years ago, unlike Phil its look hadn't changed one bit, the walls were still white and the carpet was still dark grey, the living room was big, it had a long, warm grey couch covered in blankets, across from that there was a TV and a bookshelf that had been redecorated to hold all of Phil's video games and the odd book, there was some manga on it too and some DVDs, he didn't recognise most of the titles. The kitchen was packed with food and sugary drinks, Dan struggled to even look at it all, the very thought of it making Dan sick to his stomach, the thought of the pizza he ate earlier flooded his mind and his eyes welled with tears, a small sob leaving his mouth, he was losing control again and he was terrified, he _hated_ himself. They say that hate is a strong word but Dan definitely didn't feel anything strong right now, he felt weak, broken almost, he lost control and had his life ruined and now he cant get back up, Phil doesn't know, he didn't want to know, he'd think Dan was even more disgusting, Phil didn't deserve damaged goods, he deserved the world and Dan knew he couldn't give that to him. He cries. He cries for hours on the tile floor of the kitchen until he falls asleep.

He wakes up to arms holding him, carrying him even. He blinks the sleep from his eyes and looks up at the man carrying him before nestling his head into his chest, earning a small chuckle in response. Phil smelt like pine still, pine and Christmas. Dan didn't quite know how Phil smelt like Christmas, maybe because he associated Christmas with home, maybe Phil smelt like home and Dan was safe, he definitely felt safe now. Phil wouldn't let anyone lay a finger on Dan, and he had proved this in the years before the argument, when Phil had punched a boy for calling Dan "queer", Phil has gotten into a few fights with boys over stuff to do with Dan, Dan was just happy to be protected and safe, after all, he definitely couldn't defend himself, and so Dan never questioned Phil's protectiveness. Phil sat Dan down on his bed, running his fingers through Dan's now slightly curly hair, making Dan's face flush red before pushing his head into Phil's hand like a cat and laughing quietly.

"Why were you sleeping on the kitchen floor, Bear? You really worried me when I woke up and you weren't here" Dan didn't know what to say, how was he supposed to explain that he couldn't sleep next to him because he loved him? Dan settled with the lie that he had gone for some water but got too tired to go back to bed, which makes sense because it was extremely late and he'd had a long day, hopefully Phil bought it, he looked like he did and so didn't question Dan anymore. Phil had told Dan to go back to sleep for a little bit while he made them breakfast, and he did, Dan didn't want to think anymore, he just wanted to enjoy this moment where he could just fall asleep surrounded by the smell of Christmas, of Phil, of home.


	4. IV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long to get out! This chapter is written from personal experience with someone who used to be very close to me, this was my best memory with him, even though I was terrified at one point, this is something i hold close to me, so it was hard to write this all down.

“Dan!! Dan wake up!! It’s breakfast time!!”  
Dan groaned and rolled, the mattress was strangely solid underneath him, definitely not where he fell asleep. He stretched, getting a satisfying crack from his back, and forcing open his eyes. He was in a tent. A familiar tent.   
“Dan seriously get up you’re gonna miss breakfast” A voice shouted from outside. Phil. Dan shot up out of his sleeping bag, quickly pulling on his skinny jeans and one of phils t-shirts from his bag, pulling on his wellies and running over to the marquee to join the rest of the scout troop for breakfast. He gets eggs and bacon, it was familiar, and sits himself next to Phil at a bench, Phil looked different, shorter, skinnier (but still more built then Dan), fringe and tattoo-less. And 17. That meant Dan would be 13? No, 14, he thought, looking down at himself, he was definitely 14. Their friends Pj and Sophie sat opposite them, Pj was 16 and Sophie was 15, pretty much making out at the table, completely neglecting the food in front of them. Phil nudged Dan gently and smiles at him “are you still coming on the trip out today?” Dan wracked his brain, trip? What trip? No one ever told him about the trip... oh. That trip. Dan nodded, smiling back at Phil before going back to eating, a happy hum left Phils lips as he pulled his beanie off his own head and put it on Dan’s, his face flushing to the same burgundy as the beanie phil had so generously pulled over his head, completely blinding him “P-Phil!! What the hell? I’m trying to eat” Dan half seriously, half playfully laughed, before fixing the hat over his curly mess of hair so he could see.

Once finishing their breakfast they both went to their tent, they had to share a tent due to the odd number of scouts and explorer scouts, but no one really minded that they shared a tent, their parents didn’t and the scout leaders didn’t say anything against it once they had parents permission. They got basic stuff together, it was a hot summer so Dan didn’t bother with a coat but took a thin waterproof poncho to keep him dry in a minor shower, Phil picks up his coat and another hat to replace the one he’d given to Dan, which earned him a scoff from Dan, it was august, he wouldn’t need a coat, it was hot out.

The four of them (Phil, Dan, Pj and Sophie ) all headed towards the coach area of the massive camp, it was international and absolutely massive, there was swimming, ice skating and even a trapeze place there. Phil checked the time on his phone, he was allowed it cause he was an explorer scout, Dan was jealous but Phil let him use his phone sometimes so he was fine with it, after seeing the time, Phil picked his pace up, grabbing Dan’s hand in an attempt to get him to keep up, he was mumbling about how they were going to miss the coach. They didn’t. In fact, they were early.

On the coach Phil made sure dan sat with him, the kind gesture making Dan blush as Phils defensive attitude kicked in. According to Phil, the coach journey was going to take an hour, so they made small talk, exchanging small smiles and leg squeezes and laughs as they talked about anything that came to their mind, and before they knew it, they were there.

They piled out the coach, Phils hand immediately finding Dan’s, giving it a small squeeze, calming Dan’s anxieties about what was to come. 

The trip started with den building, Dan and Phil were on stick and log gathering duty and Pj and Sophie were on building duty. Phil ended up with a bruised arm by the time they’d finished cause Dan had punched him in the arm every time he laughed at Dan for squeaking and throwing logs every time there was a slug hiding on the underside, Phils dumb smile made Dan want to laugh along with him but he always managed to keep it to faux annoyance, which Phil obviously saw straight through, Dan could tell. 

Next was the corn maze, which seemed fun in theory, but the dark clouds rolling in told Dan that maybe he should’ve brought a coat, but maybe Phils hoodie that he had put on earlier would withstand the incoming downpour. approaching the maze, Phil still had his hand gripping Dan’s hand tight, keeping him close, worry flashing on his face as rain starts to fall. they were receiving the safety talk from the chaperones, the thunder started. the sound ripped through the atmosphere, making Dan almost jump a mile off the floor, a scared sob leaving his lips, Dan hates thunder, he hates any loud noises for that matter, so he already knew that he wasn’t gonna have fun at all in this corn maze.

The point of the maze was to get all the stamps, and Pj and Sophie seemed to be focused on that, but Dan was just terrified, every time the thunder roared through the sky, Dan would jump towards Phil, and Phil would immediately take Dan in his arms until he was ready to come out and start waking again, but as the thunder become more and more frequent and the rain sped up, it became less and less bearable, so Dan just ended up with Phils arm round him as they walked, and Phils coat on Dan’s shoulders.

Phil hadn’t realised Dan was crying until he heard him whimpering, immediately pulling him into a tight hug and planting a small kiss on the top of his head, whispering soothing words and playing with his hair gently, trying to calm down Dan’s trembling body. Phil pulled away and wiped Dan’s tears with his thumbs, pulling his coat tighter around him and doing the top button, so it looked like a cloak “are you ready to walk again Bear? the quicker we get out of here, the quicker I can get you a got chocolate and warm you up, okay?” Phil said quietly, as to not add to the loud noises already happening, Phil didn’t know why Dan was scared of loud noises and thunder but he didn’t want to ask, if Dan wanted to tell him, he would.

After finally getting out of the maze, and somehow Pj and Sophie got all the stamps, they were allowed to go into the cabin to get dry and have a hot chocolate, Dan had a towel around his shoulders, and another on his head, Phil only had one on his shoulders which Dan thought was unfair, since Phil definitely ended up wetter then Dan, he had given him his coat after all. the chaperone came in and informed them that they would have to stay at a local hotel, which was a rather nice wood cabin about half an hour from the farm apparently, because the road had flooded, which got a mixed response from everyone there, but Dan was just happy to hopefully be able to get a warm bath after everything that happened.

They all piled into the bus once again, Phils arm immediately going to Dan’s waist to pull him into some seats near the front, sitting next to the window, Dan huffed and leaned his forehead against the seat in front. Dan felt a small jab in his side and a quiet voice saying his name, Dan looked up at Phil and was immediately offered an earphone, putting it in his ear, Phil was listening to all time low, and leaning on Phils shoulder and closing his eyes. 

Time seemed to fly on the bus as he was serenaded by Phils choice of music and suddenly they were at the hotel, Dan sat up and Phil rubbed his shoulder slightly, Dan immediately worrying “shit Phil did I hurt you? why didn’t you tell me to move?”, earning a small chuckle from Phil “no Bear you didn’t hurt me, plus you looked so peaceful and cute”, Dan felt his face heat up “o-oh”.

Once they were in their room, Dan immediately stripped to his underwear, not worrying about Phil seeing, they’d been friends since they were children so it didn’t matter, Dan dove on the bed, getting straight under the cover, Phil following suit a few minutes later, his arm going around Dan’s waist and pulling him into his side, the thunder was still loud outside but with Phil, like this, he almost couldn’t hear it, Dan closed his eyes and buried his head in Phils side, and fell asleep.

Dan woke up. in Phils bed. tears streaking his face and an empty spot next to him. He had been dreaming, but none of that was his unconsciousness, he was remembering. 

Dan stood up, wrapping a blanket around himself and waddling off into Phils apartment to find him. “Phil?” “Yes Bear?” Dan smiled, he liked that the nickname bear had stuck “Do you remember that scout trip? With the corn maze?” Phils face lit up, a smile appearing on his lips “of course I do bear, how could I forget? Why do you ask?” Dan smiled, before waddling closer to Phil “Well... I had a dream...”


End file.
